


Again

by Sabrielandacesam



Series: Again Verse' [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: DID I MENTION NON CON?, Depressed Sam, FTM Sam Winchester, Hurt Sam, John Winchester's A+ Parenting, Lots of mentions of non con, Lucifer is a bitch, M/M, Mucho Angst, Non con Lucifer and Sam, Past Child Abuse, Past Underage Rape, Protective Castiel, Protective Dean Winchester, Protective Gabriel, Suicidal Thoughts, This takes place during Season 11, Want something else tagged? Let me know!, established relationships - Freeform, first and foremost, pure angst, there is no Casifer, use of slurs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-09
Updated: 2018-07-21
Packaged: 2019-04-20 11:08:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 10
Words: 16,920
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14259642
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sabrielandacesam/pseuds/Sabrielandacesam
Summary: Sam is moving on. Then Lucifer appears and Sam is raped, again. Will Gabriel, Cas, and Dean be able to keep him safe? Or will Lucifer claim Sam for his own?





	1. Again

**Author's Note:**

> Last warning! Lots of angst and non-con! Take my tags seriously.

\-----------(POV Change ((Sam)))--------

 

Sam's heart dropped two spots in his chest. His mind shuts down, not even allowing a fully processed thought through. An automatic fight or flight instinct was taking over. He struggles to run. Get away as fast as he can but, he can't. Pure unadulterated terror holding him in place, not letting him move a muscle. His brain sensed that he couldn't move and tries to restart itself. Trying to propel him into movement.

 

Sam was stuck with Lucifer, again. The only thing different was Dean was here with him. Well, that and they weren't in the cage. Doesn’t matter It still sends shockwaves of fear through Sam.

 

His mind begins to clear and he tries to pull away but he’s stuck. Lucifer using his powers to hold Sam against the wall. He doesn’t even try to pull away. He knows it’s useless. The only hope him and Dean had is if one of them could banish him or they could get Gabe and Cas here.

 

 _You can’t stop it. He will do it again. His mind really liked to tear him down._ Now was not a good time for his inner voice to fuck with him. Sam flinches at the thought.

 

"Heyyy Dean!" Lucifer says like a teenage girl who just spotted her best friend while she was at the mall. "Long time no see! How is Castiel?"

 

"Not bad. How's the cage been?" Dean snarls out at Lucifer. Trying to pull away from the wall to no avail.

 

“Super boring. Especially with our favorite human gone!” Lucifer turns towards Sam.

 

"Hiya Sammy. Did you miss meee?" Lucifer asks. Without waiting for a response he starts prowling towards Sam with a predatory look on his face. His eyes glowing red.

 

All of the horrific nightmares Sam has been having ever since he regained his hell memories were flying back at him. Sam tries to struggle. Fighting against those invisible bonds holding him so tight. Invisible hands placed on his chest holding him to the wall. Gripping his hands and forcing them to stay in one place. Making his legs in mobile. It’s a feeling he knows rather well. After all, Lucifer would do this to him on the daily basis in the cage.

 

"Don't you even fucking look at him!" Dean roars at Lucifer, starting to struggle again. His extra sense telling him that something really fucking bad was about to happen.

 

Lucifer stops, crosses his arms and throws a pout on his face. "Awww, Sammy. You wound me! I haven't even done anything yet." He then pauses his face looking reflective. "Want to hug it out? It'll be just like old times!" He asks while throwing his arms out.

 

"I don't want anything from you!" Sam yells. There is no fire behind it. The will to fight was loosening, he knows there is nothing he can do. Giving in. It was something Sam did a lot around Lucifer and he knows it. He hates it more than anything. But if Sam lets Lucifer do what he wants to him then Dean would be able to escape and get Gabe and Cas, or at the very least be safer.

 

"Oh come on Sammy. You know how much fun we had before you left me. I have been very very bored without you to entertain me. Adam and Michael have been hiding really good. Whatever you guys agreed on really worked in their favor.” Lucifer hisses at Sam

 

Lucifer inches forward until he's only an arm's length away from Sam. Sam's eyes start to fill. Making his vision blurry. Sam knows what's going to happen and he can't prevent it. Dean is going to have to watch and then he will know how worthless Sam is. How he can't even prevent himself from being raped. Cas and Dean will see how truly used up and disgusting Sam is. Gabe will know that Sam once again allowed another being to enter his body without fighting. Then all 3 of them would leave. There is no way they wouldn’t. Sam would leave himself too.

 

“Dean. Please… Just let him be.” Sammy chokes out. “Don’t make him mad. That makes it worse.” He pleads with his brother.

 

Dean either didn’t hear Sam or chose to ignore him and starts screaming once again."I will tear you apart! I will rip your grace out of your body!" Dean finally is beginning to process what will be happening to his baby brother. "I will beat your ass all the way to fucking nothingness! Don’t you even fucking lay a finger near him!”

 

Lucifer turns around facing Dean. "I honestly don't think that you will do anything. In fact, I believe... No, I know you are uselessly trying to avert my attention from Sam. Nothing can stop what’s going to happen here. I would rather you watch your poor baby brother become my little bitch again, but since you won't shut up guess I will have to get rid of you." Lucifer then flicks his hand, and Dean is gone.

 

Lucifer turns towards Sam and he starts sobbing.

 

"Now that is out of the way we can move on to more important matter." Lucifer cups his cheek and it burns slightly.

 

"Please... No. I don't want..." Sam chokes out between sobs.

 

With a snap Sam is naked. Completely exposed to Lucifer. And Lucifer is loving it.

 

"I don't really care what you want." Lucifer barks at him moving from Sam’s cheek to his hips, ass, and thighs.

 

“Dean makes me so mad. He never knows when to shut the fuck up does he?”

 

Sam doesn’t respond.

 

Lucifer’s hands suddenly get really hot and burns his inner thighs. “Sam I want a response.”

 

“No… No. He doesn’t.” Sam stammers out fearfully.

 

“What was that?” Lucifer asks with a smirk looking down at Sam.

 

“No… No. He doesn’t, sir.” Sam adds terrified.

 

“It has been so long Sammy I’m glad you remembered.” Lucifer’s hands cool back down and start to move to again explore all of Sam’s body. Slowly savoring every inch of his shaking body.

 

“Please. Don’t. I..”

 

Lucifer cuts him off with a ringing strike to the face. “Sam shut up. I am trying to have a good time but you and your brother keep ruining it.” Lucifer hisses at Sam.

 

“Please. Don’t” Sam begs once again.

 

Lucifer backs away. Reaching down and unbuckling his belt.

 

"Sam I am having a great time. In fact, I am absolutely loving this."

 

Sam slams his eyes shut. Blocking everything out.

 

Feeling hands touch him he shivers.

 

Lucifer starts to laugh.

 

 

 

\-----------(POV Change ((Dean)))--------

 

 

 

Dean's knees collapsed beneath him. Dropping him to the floor he throws out his arms to catch himself.

 

_What the fuck? Oh shit._

 

Dean races to his feet, remembering what took place a few seconds before. Looking around confused. He’s in a forest. He reaches for his phone and pulls it out of the pocket. There is one bar of signal.

 

 _Oh fuck._  Lucifer had teleported him putting him in the middle of fucking nowhere. Gabe and Cas couldn’t find him unless he knew where he was. Which means that Sam is with Lucifer even longer. Luckily since Gabe is an Archangel he can still fly. He’s just got to find where he is.

 

Picking a direction he starts hiking. The forest is pretty dark which is a good sign. He can’t be on the other side of the world if the sun is down. The forest is also pretty much all flat lands. Which will be a big help in finding a signal.

 

 _“Goddammit, the way Sammy just shut down. He had to know what was coming. Which means Lucifer has… raped him before or at the very least threatened it It’s Lucifer though. He goes through on his threats.”_ Dean felt his stomach protest at the thought. He stopped and felt bile rising up his throat. Dean wretches up all contents in his stomach. After finishes, he forces himself to continue on for Sam.

 

The knowledge that while Sam was facing that, he was up top chilling with Ben and Lisa. Well, he had thought before that maybe something like that had happened to Sam. He obviously had never asked Sam. Dean figured that Sam would open up when he needs to. Apparently, that was the wrong assumption. No, it would take Lucifer actually be free again before he got any sort of signs.

 

 _Did that make Dean a bad brother?_ He barely knew anything about what has happened to his brother while he was in hell. Even worse Dean doesn’t know much about what his brother does when he is gone. Sam is like a weird puzzle that no matter how hard Dean tried he could never put together. When they were kids Dean put in so much effort to know what his brother was thinking, feeling, and experiencing. Although he hasn’t even really tried to put it together since Dean himself came back from hell. Sam was his rock. The one thing that keeps Dean human.

 

_Also, Adam and Michael hiding? Did Sam really make a deal with Michael to protect Adam? Had Sam offered himself up to Lucifer to protect his half-brother that Sam barely knew. He supposes that would be something that Sam would do._

 

He was so lost in thought he didn’t even notice the lights 2 flashing lights through the trees. It was only when he walked out of the wooded area he even noticed that there was a highway. It wasn’t a very busy one. There were no cars other than that one for as far as Dean can see. Pulling out his phone he checks it for anything. He has 3 bars.

 

“Fucking finally!” He looks down the road trying to spot a sign. Spotting one he sprints towards it. Stopping next to the sign he reads the numbers. The sign says he is 15 miles from a town called Baudette Minnesota. Fumbling with his phone he pulls up his GPS and gets the exact coordinates. Then calls Cas.

 

Ringing. _Come on Cas._ Ringing. _Answer the fucking phone._ Ringing. _Cas, please… I need your help so much._ Ringing.

 

“Hey its Cas, make your voice a mail.”

 

“Dammit, Cas. Where are you when I need you?” Dean says aloud, then he dials Gabriel's number.

 

Ringing. _Come on you winged bitch_. Ringing. _I know we don’t exactly see eye to eye._ Ringing. _Sam is in danger, Lucifer is back._

 

Dean is about to scream when Gabe picks up. “Heyo Deano! I’ll get Cas to call you back when he’s out of the shower.”

 

“You need to get here. Now! I’m about 15 miles from a town called Baudette in Minnesota On County Road 8 northwest facing East. Coordinates 48.83014, -94.77767 ” Dean doesn’t even stop to breathe.

 

“Woah slow down there bucko! What is wrong?”

 

“Lucifer is free.”

 

There are a few seconds of silence that Dean assumes Gabe used to process what he had just said.

 

“How the fuck is he free?” Gabe screams his voice angry. “That is impossible! Sam locked him up good! If he tries anything I will-”

 

“I don’t know but there is more so shut up.” Dean cuts off the still talking Angel. “He found the bunker, and Sam. Then he teleported me to here.”

 

“Hold on,” Gabe says. “Cas come here! We need to leave!” Gabe screams away from the phone.

 

His phone suddenly makes the “I’m dying” noise. Dean pulls it away from his ear just to watch it turn off.

 

 _For fuck’s sake! Can’t catch a fucking break here. I hope Gabe caught that. If he didn’t there would be... Doesn’t matter we are_ coming _Sam. Don’t worry little brother._

 

\-----------(POV Change ((Gabe)))--------

 

Dealing with the darkness is such a fucking hassle. Now Gabriel understands why it took all of the Archangels and his father to put her away. How they were going to be able to do it with an Archangel, a regular angel, and 2 humans was a mystery in itself. But he had a scrap of hope. After all, they did stop the apocalypse. At the cost of Sam though.

 

What would they lose at the cost of this? Dean and Cas were in Purgatory for a year after killing the Leviathans. Gabe was nearly killed by Lucifer while trying to stop the apocalypse. Then Sam was in the cage for a year and a half.

 

 _Sam. What could Gabe do to help him?_ A few days ago Sam accidentally revealed something that made his heartbreak. Sam has been raped several times. A couple of times when he was a kid. Once when Dean was in Hell. Finally, hundreds of millions of times when he was with Lucifer. The worst part about the whole situation is that Sam firmly believes that he did deserve it. In Sam’s mind, he believes that his father raped him because he was a terrible son. A random man at a bar raped Sam because he wasn’t working hard enough to get Dean out of hell. And Lucifer did it because of the demon blood and setting Lucifer himself free.

 

Sam didn’t deserve any of it. He didn’t deserve any bad thing to happen to him in his entire life. It was his destiny though, and Sam beat it.

 

The last few years haven’t been easy for any of them. After Gabe was killed by Lucifer he woke up in a dark place he wandered around a bit hoping to find a way out. Then this creature demanded he goes to sleep. Well, Gabe wasn’t doing that. He had a fucking world to save. So he fought the weird creature. Not physically as when he tried the thing kicked his ass.

 

Then it changed forms. It looked exactly like Sam. The only difference is that it had black eyes. Like a demon. The Sam look alike raised its arm and then there was a blinding pain in his head. The next thing he was back on Earth in the middle of a field.

 

His grace was severely weakened by the 2 fights. So weakened he couldn’t teleport. He’ll spend the next 2 years regaining his grace and working to find the Winchesters. While traveling around the country he heard rumors from various hunters about what was happening. Some were good, others not so much. Then the leviathans were released. Gabe fought them tooth and nail. Temporarily forgetting his original mission to saving as many people from the leviathans as possible. By the time the leviathans were sent back to purgatory Gabe’s powers were better than ever.

 

Then he found Sam. The poor kid had nobody. Cas, Dean, and Bobby were all dead. Kevin Tran the prophet was kidnapped by Crowley. Sam was broken down and ready to give up. His arm had a long gash in it gained from fighting a werewolf. The human looked 2 inches from death. Either from himself or some monster.

 

So Gabe healed Sam and together they saved Dean and Cas from purgatory. Then the four of them saved Kevin. Gabe saved Sam before the hell trials could kill him.

 

While Metatron the scribe of God banished the Angels from heaven. Sam, Dean, and Cas had a major fallout. With Sam, Cas, and himself staying at the bunker while Dean went off on his own. Dean found Crowley and he came back with the mark of Cain. Eventually being killed by Metatron. Dean became a demon. Sam and Gabe tracked Dean down while Cas was working on finding Metatron and helping the angels affected by the fall. After finding Dean they managed to cure him. Long story short they managed to get rid of the Mark but unleashed the darkness. Who is called Amara.

 

Now he and Cas were working a case that they thought was somehow related to her. Gabe wished that Dean and Sam were here, then Dean could kick some life into Cas. He loved Cas he was a little brother to Gabe, but sometimes he gets a little too much. His fellow angel never wanted to spend time having fun. Cas would have a bit of fun if Dean was here, but he wasn’t. Not yet anyway. Sam and Dean’s hunter duties were still necessary although they will be joining Cas and himself.

 

Right now Gabe was just bored. Cas was taking a shower and since Sam just got back from a case he would be dead exhausted so he can’t talk to him. Cas also wouldn’t want Gabe to leave because then if something happens then he has an archangel to back him up. He was bored and nothing could stop that.

 

He spends the next few minutes flipping through channels and he hears Cas get out of the shower when Cas’s phone rings. Looking over at it he sees its from Dean. Gabe decides to ignore it. Cas will call him back when he gets out of the shower. Letting the call go to voicemail he turns back towards the tv. Choosing a random game show that wasn’t even in English. Within the next few seconds, his phone went off. It’s Dean.

 

He decides he wants to answer after 3 rings and puts the phone up to his ear. “Heyo Deano! I’ll get Cas to call you back when he’s out of the shower.”

 

Just as Gabe lets the sentence out Dean practically screams at him.“You need to get here. Now! I’m about 15 miles from a town called Baudette in Minnesota On County Road 8 northwest facing East. Coordinates 48.83014, -94.77767”

 

“Woah slow down there bucko!” Gabe asks confused grabbing a piece of paper and pen from the dresser behind him and starts writing the directions he was given.

 

“What’s wrong?”

 

“Lucifer is free.”

 

Gabe freezes. The words being recognized in his brain.

 

Gabe’s blood went cold. Fury rising up in his stomach. “How the fuck is he free? That is impossible! Sam locked him up good! If he tries anything I will-”

 

“I don’t know but there is more so shut up.” Dean cuts Gabe off “He found the bunker, and Sam… Then he teleported me to here.”

 

“Hold on,” Gabe says. “Cas come here! We need to leave!” Gabe screams away from the phone. Just as Gabe turned back towards the phone Dean hangs up.

 

“What is it, Gabriel?” Cas asks from the bathroom. His voice sounding tired.

 

“Lucifer is free! We need to go and get Dean then find Sam!”

 

“What? How?” Cas runs out of the bathroom grabbing his trenchcoat and angel blade from the bed.

 

“I don’t know but come on we’ve got work to do!”

 

Cas runs over and Gabe teleports them to where Dean is.

 

 

\-----------(POV Change ((Sam)))--------

 

Sam’s head pounded as he lays crumpled on the floor. With every pound of his head his back, thighs, and ass throb in pain. His mouth and throat tasting of come. His body shaking. He wants nothing more than to curl up and die.

 

_**God, you are so worthless.** _

 

_No, I’m not._

 

_**Yes, you are. You can’t do anything without your brother or the angels coming and saving your sorry ass.** _

 

_I… I try my hardest. It’s not like I mean to do it. I’ll try to do better-_

 

**_God, now you’re making up excuses. Maybe your father was right. You deserve everything you have had happened to you._ **

 

_Shut up. He has no part of this. I don’t want to hear about him._

 

_**Oh, but he does. And you will. After all, he was the first one to do this to you was he not?** _

 

Tears start to prick at Sam’s eyes once again. Knowing that the voice in his head was right.

 

_**Why don’t you just give in? Put a bullet into your own brain. You would just be doing everybody a favor. Dean would finally be able to do his own thing. Cas wouldn’t have to keep you from going down the wrong path. Gabe could finally be with someone who can show him how much they love him. Not be a little bitch who cries in his sleep because of something that happened so fucking long ago.** _

 

_I tried to do it with Gabe! He didn’t want me to do anything that makes me feel uncomfortable! More so than ever when he found out about me being….. He is still supportive of me._

 

**_God, you can’t even admit what happened to you. You were raped. That’s what happened, and you deserved every single second of it. If you weren’t such a pathetic, whiny, worthless, bitch then it wouldn’t have happened to you._ **

 

_Shut up!_

 

**_Oh, now you try to grow some backbone! Well, it’s much too late Sammy! You have become a-_ **

 

_I SAID SHUT UP!_

 

**_Whatever you stupid slut._ **

 

Fingers curl into his hair. Dragging him upwards onto his knees looking straight up. Lucifer. He smiles in Sam’s face. His mouth moving but Sam can’t recognize the words. Something with bitch in it though.

 

_Uh oh._

 

Lucifer’s sadistic smile morphs into an angry snarl. Probably noticing that Sam wasn’t paying much attention. Then he chucks Sam backward up against the bookshelf. A fresh brutalizing wave of pain skyrockets from his back to his head. Sam lets out a heart-wrenching scream. Falling to the floor he has no strength to try and catch himself. His back slams against the floor. His upper back catching him mostly.

 

He uses what little strength he has left to turn over onto his side. Forcing his eyes open he watches as Lucifer saunters over to him still talking.

 

“You know what I mean?” Lucifer’s voice suddenly comes out.

 

Sam whimpers at the sudden sound.

 

“God, you are just as pathetic as the day I met you.” Lucifer stops in front of Sam before kicking out and striking his stomach. Causing Sam to gag.

 

”You were better off when you were in hell. At least there you knew where you belonged. Right at my feet.” Lucifer chuckles. Before kicking out again. Making Sam howl in pain. “Yep, that’s where you belong. That’s where you will be by the time I’m done with you. My good little bitch. We will get you a collar and a leash. Place you right next to my throne.” Lucifer kicks again. “But for now we will have to settle with this. Will we not?”

 

Sam speaks for the first time in hours his throat raw from screaming. “Fuck off.”

 

“Always eloquent with words are you not Sammy?” Lucifer tsks. “We can’t have such vulgar language like that.” He kicks again this time right at Sam’s ribs. Sam hears a faint crack. He probably broke a rib. Sam’s vision fades in and out. He’s on the verge of passing out. Both from pain and exhaustion.

 

Lucifer paces next to Sam. Watching Sam struggle to regain his breath, a gleeful look in his eye. He stops by Sam’s head. Raises a foot above it. “Now I hate to have to do this but, I’m too busy to watch some pesky human. So this is an unfortunate goodbye dear, Sammy.”

 

Sam watches the Lucifer. Panic registering in part of his brain. Telling him to get up and move, to fight back somehow. The other part of his brain begs for it. Begs for a death he knows is coming. Sam just relaxes closing his eyes and waiting for it to come. Unconsciousness coming to him. He thinks he can faintly hear someone screaming something but it won’t come to him.

 

 

\-----------(POV Change ((Dean)))--------

 

Almost just as Dean’s phone died Gabe and Cas were right next to him.

 

“Oh thank god! Dean whispers in awe. “We need to go to the bunker now.”

 

“First, Dean what are we walking into?” Cas wonders head turning to the side.

 

Dean sees Gabe shuffle impatiently but he seems willing to wait for at least a minute more. So Dean releases the breath he has been holding in.

 

“Honestly. I have very little clue. All I know is that Sam and Lucifer are in the bunker together.” Dean sighs hanging his head sadly. “And Lucifer might be raping Sam.”

 

Cas gasps softly. Gabe full on snarls. Shocking Cas and Dean.

 

“Not again! This can’t be happening to him. Again!” Gabe starts pacing. His short legs eating up space surprisingly fast.

 

“We need to help him,” Cas says fearfully. “And make sure we aren’t too late.”

 

“No shit!” Gabe growls and snaps at Cas. “We need to leave now!”

 

Dean nods in agreement. “We need to get Sam away from Lucifer then we will worry about how to send him back to the cage.

 

“I wasn’t arguing,” Cas says faintly. Then with more confidence, he says “Let’s go.”

 

Gabe puts his arms out and snaps them to the bunker.

 

 

\-----------(POV Change ((Gabe)))--------

 

The moment Gabe arrived at the bunker he sprinted from the kitchen to the main room. Dead stopping when he sees Lucifer’s foot raised over a naked Sam. Just like the minutes before Gabe was killed. Rage fills Gabe. His vision turns red. The entire world seems to slow down around him.

 

“Lucifer!” Gabe roars at his brother. “Step away from Sam Winchester now!”

 

Lucifer turns towards Gabe and puts his foot down. Not on Sam, fortunately. Surprise lighting up his face. Gabriel faintly hears footsteps run up next to him.

 

“Gabriel. Long time no see. What are you doing, alive?”

 

“About to kill you.”

 

“Funny that’s what you thought last time we met. Then you died. Or not seeing as you are here.” Lucifer admits with a hand gesture.

 

“The past doesn’t matter. What matters to me is the fact you raped my boyfriend, again.”

 

Lucifer starts cackling. The room suddenly gets this weird feeling of wrong. “Of course the little whore would be your boyfriend.”

 

“Don’t you fucking dare talk about him that way!” Dean growls from behind Gabe.

 

“Oh, Dean if only you knew the half of it! Poor big brother not knowing so many secrets about your baby brother.” Lucifer mocks Dean. “For example did you know that the only reason Sammy even saw Ruby again was because she saved him after he was raped by a demon while you were in hell?”

 

Gabe watched the blood drain from Dean’s face, all rage exchanging for alarm. Cas put his hand on Dean’s shoulder.

 

“You’re lying!” Cas yells back at Lucifer. Trying to get Dean mentally back into the fight.

 

“Really am I lying? How about this little fun fact Dean? Your dear old father raped Sam not once not twice but 3 times! Pretty good for dear old Johnny boy, huh?”

 

“Shut up!” Cas snarls at Lucifer. Obviously worried about Dean.

 

Gabe’s heart ached while watching Dean’s face drop. All hatred he felt towards the man was lost instantaneously.

 

“You’re lying.” Dean says with a voice crack trying to sound unaffected. “Right Gabe? He’s lying. He is just trying to get me pissed off.”

 

Gabe frowns and looks away. “I’m sorry Dean.”

 

“Wow what a touching moment.” Lucifer interrupts. “Unless you want a fruit basket I’m out of here.” and with a snap, he was gone.

 

The moment Lucifer disappeared Gabriel ran towards Sam. Sliding down next to him. Gabriel rips off his own jacket and uses it to cover up Sam. Pulling the bigger man into his lap, he uses his grace to heal what he can. He pulls Sam into a tight hug, placing the man’s head under his chin. No, no, no. Please, Sam, wake up. I’m sorry I left you by yourself. I can’t lose you. You are the best thing to ever happen to me. I will have no reason to live if you are dead.

 

“Gabe? Is it really you?” A pitiful voice asks him from under his chin.

 

“Yes Sammich, it’s me. Dean and Cas are here also.”Gabe starts to lightly pet his hair. Trying to keep Sam from freaking out.

 

“Where is Lucifer?” Sam starts to shake slightly.

 

“Gone.” Gabe says truthfully “He left before we could do anything.”

 

“So he is free still?” Sam whispers fearfully. Pushing even closer into Gabriel’s chest.

 

“Yes. I’m sorry, Sam. If it were up to me I would have him dead.”

 

Sam lets out a small whimper. “I want to go to sleep.”

 

“Of course sweetheart.” Gabe continues to pet Sam’s head. Looking up to where Dean and Cas who were looking fretfully down at Sam.

 

\-----------(POV Change ((Dean)))--------

 

Watching Sam close his eyes once again Dean felt his heart shatter, again. He feels the hand belonging to Cas gripping his shoulder tight. Most days he would push it off but today it’s the one thing keeping him from falling apart.

 

 _It can’t be true. How could it? Yeah sure Dad and Sam had some fights but it could never have_ been _like that. Surely if that happened to Sam he would tell me. Gabe wouldn’t lie about this kind of thing though. If it is true Dean is going to kill John a thousand times over. No mercy. Blood be damned if he hurt Sam._

 

“We should probably get him to bed.” Gabriel’s voice awakens Dean from his thoughts. “And in some clothes too. Then when he is feeling better we need to leave. Lucifer knows where this place is.” his voice sounds angry.

 

“Yeah.” Dean stammers out. “Let’s do that.

 

_How do I fix this? I’ve never had to deal with this before. God, did I just stand by while my own fucking father raped my baby brother? All of those times I called out Sam for fighting with him. No wonder he ran away. He was just trying to escape a terrible terrible home life. I should’ve known._

 

Dean watches Gabe effortlessly lift up Sam and carry him to his room. Dean’s brotherly instincts screaming at him to follow, to shield Sam away from any hurt. Shoving it back he lets Gabe take the lead. Knowing that Sam doesn’t need Dean interrogating him about every little thing in his life. What Dean really needs is a drink.

 

The reassuring hand on his shoulder disappears and Dean broke down. Tears start to slide down his cheeks from his eyes. He feels like such a failure. The lump in his throat turning into a sob. Suddenly Cas was in front of him pulling him into a hug. Dean returns the favor. Cas mumbles something in Enochian.

 

“What did you say?” Dean asks.

 

“I blessed you with strength. Heaven knows you need it.”

 

“Thank you, Cas.”

 

“You’re welcome,” Cas says before sighing. “What are you going to do?”

 

“About what?” Dean responds tiredly. Suddenly feeling the weight of what had happened fall upon his shoulders.

 

Cas gestures to the room “Everything.”

 

Dean settles down into the chair that is next to him. “I have no clue. I’m pissed but I have no idea where to start. I have no idea what I can do to fix this.”

 

“Sometimes the best thing you can do for somebody is just to be there.”

 

“Thanks, Cas,” Dean says sincerely. “I hope it will be enough.”

 

“I think it will. Your brother isn’t one to be underestimated. I learned that the hard way.”

 

Dean chuckles lots of memories coming to mind. “Yeah, he sure isn’t.”

 

\-----------(POV Change ((Sam)))--------

 

 

Sam wasn’t sure where he was. His head wouldn’t focus on a single detail. Making it very hard for him to determine an exact place. From what he could pick up it seemed like a room in the bunker. Maybe Gabriel's?” He can’t figure it out. Darkness once again claiming him as its own.

 

\--------------------------------------------

Next time he woke up Sam’s headache was pretty much gone. He could make out the room being as his own. He was wearing clothes again. A simple thing that made himself feel a bit better. Wearing clothes meant nobody could touch him again. He looked around the room a bit more. Seeing Dean in a chair next to his bed passed out.

 

“Sam are you awake?” The deep voice belonging to Cas speaks out to Sam. He flinches at the noise. Turning to face towards Cas.

 

“Yeah.” He croaks out. His throat still feeling like he swallowed a knife. He kind of flinches at the thought.

 

“Sorry,” Cas says reaching for a glass of water and handing it off to Sam.

 

“Thank you.” Sam sits up and then starts to sip the water slowly. Trying to ease his throats discomfort.

 

“I assume you are wondering where Gabe is.”

 

Sam shrugs as the thought had run through his mind.

 

“He just got back from getting our stuff from our hotel room. Right now he is at the store buying some things.”

 

“Like what?”

 

“In all honesty, I have no idea.”

 

“That’s not surprising.”

 

A few moments of silence.

 

“Sam. I’m so sorry.”

 

Sam’s heart constricts. Tears once again welling in his eyes. He looks away from Cas. Feeling embarrassed.

 

_**He wasn’t strong. He couldn’t do anything. It was all his fault. He deserved it. They wouldn’t understand.** _

 

Cas seemed to be reading his mind. “Whatever you are thinking Sam. Just know it wasn’t your fault. None of it was. It was all Lucifer, the demon, and your father.”

 

Shock ripples through his body. “Who told you that?” Sam asked confused. “I never told anyone that except for Gabe.”

 

“Dean had realized that you had been raped by Lucifer before. Then as a distraction, Lucifer told us what else had happened to you. Gabriel just confirmed it.” Cas said no emotion in his voice.

 

Sam nods. Tears starting to be released. His cries became sobs. Before he knew it Cas was hugging him. Singing a random song in Enochian. Then there was a second set of arms around him. This pair belonging to Dean. Sam suddenly felt like he was being suffocated. He couldn’t breathe. He recognized the signs of a panic attack.

 

“I’m so sorry Sammy. I should have done something.” Dean’s voice tries to comfort him

 

“Dean. Cas. Please let go of me.” Sam wheezes out. His breath becoming even shallower. Heart rate rising dramatically.

 

They release him instantly. Dean now realizing how staggered Sam’s breathing was. Luckily he knows the signs of Sam going through a panic attack. “Breathe with my counting Sam. Can you do that?”

 

Sam nods.

 

“Good. One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Eight. Nine. Ten.” Dean speaks slowly helping Sam being able to focus on the numbers. “Can you speak?”

 

Sam hesitates then nods. Slowly. He can but he doesn’t know for how long.

 

“Ok go over the five items.”

 

The five items were the first 5 items that come to mind that are not in the room currently.

 

“Impala, Pie, Dog, Cat, and laptop.”

 

“Very good, Sam.” Sam flinches at the wording “Are you better now?”

 

“Yeah. I'm thirsty again.”

 

“Cas can you get Sam some more water?”

 

“Of course Dean.” Cas grabs the cup and he walks out of the room.

 

Dean wraps his arm around Sam’s shoulders. Something that mundane shouldn’t make Sam jump like he did.

 

The two brothers sit on the bed in silence. Waiting for something or someone to do something. Neither of them feels comfortable enough to start a conversation. So they sit in the uncomfortable silence. Choosing to not do anything despite the feeling that they should do something. Just waiting for Cas to come back.

 

When he does he hands the cup to Sam and leaves the room again.

 

_Really Cas? Now is the one time you don’t want to be all up and in our business? Thanks for nothing I guess._

 

**_He just doesn’t want to deal with you._ **

 

_God, do you ever stop. Just let me be, please._

 

**_Then who will be the voice of reason?_ **

 

_Gabe, Cas, Dean._

 

_**What about once they leave you? You will have nobody.** _

 

_I will cross that bridge when I come to it._

 

“Sammy I am so sorry.”

 

“It’s not your fault Dean.”

 

“You don’t even know what I am apologizing for.”

 

“I have an idea.”

 

The conversation ends there. Sam not wanting to continue and Dean not knowing where to go with it. All of the memories from the time he was 14 upwards just keep coming. All of the pain, hopelessness, and fear. He just wants to be able to move on. It always comes back. No way to get rid of it.

 

“Do you want to talk about it?”

 

Yes. He did. Dean would listen but he wouldn’t understand. Sam just ruined Dean’s thoughts of their father as well as dropping other bombshells. Why would Dean want to have anything to do with him?

 

“Sammy?” Dean questions. “You don’t have to if you don’t want to. All I’m asking for is a yes or a no.”

 

“Yeah, I do.” Sam pushes past all of the terror plaguing his mind.

 

Then Dean is sliding in front of him. Giving him a reassuring nod. Encouraging him to start. “Whenever you feel like it, Sam.”

 

Sam sighs. Opening his mouth he lets it all spill out.

 

\-----------(POV Change ((Dean)))--------

 

“It started when I was 8. That was the first time Dad hit me. I had been arguing with him about a field trip my class was taking.”

 

Dean felt his heart clench. Of course, their father had been abusing Sam physically. Dean already knew a little about the verbal abuse his baby brother had gone through. He had never known that it had gotten physical.

 

“He never really stopped hitting me. Or yelling at me. He raped me for the first time when I was 14. I was home alone. You were out with some girl or something. I was just trying to do my homework then Dad comes storming in. I don’t think I have ever seen him that drunk. He was cussing me out about something. He started saying something about how I should die. Then I started to get really scared and I tried to leave to find you but he grabbed my arm and threw me into the bed and started to undress me. I tried to fight. I really did.”

 

Sam stops. Lost in thought and memories of that fateful night.

 

“I know you did, Sammy,” Dean says trying to shake Sam from his thoughts.

 

“He just pushed me aside. When he was done he threatened to do it again if I told anybody. So I didn’t. I was too scared to get help.”

 

Sam was crying again. Dean felt his rage grow. He would kill John even if he is dead. Blood or not you hurt Sam you will pay. “It’s okay Sam. It was the only option you could see. You are very brave going through that alone. He can’t hurt you anymore.”

 

Sam says through the tears. “I need to finish.”

 

“Ok go ahead.”

 

“I stayed silent. Never told a soul about the physical and verbal abuse. When I was 16 Dad smacked me in front of Bobby. I for sure thought that he would kill Dad. Bobby offered me a place to stay. But I couldn’t leave you. So I went with Dad. Stayed there even as he blamed me for losing his friend. Even when he said he wished I had died in that fire instead of mom.”

 

Dean audibly gasped the dots finally connecting. That was why Bobby suddenly dropped his friendship with John. His father claimed it was a disagreement over a hunt but in reality, it was because John was an abusive fuck.

 

“Only a few weeks later he got blackout drunk again and forced me into bed with him. When he was done I tried to leave. To run away. Go to Bobby’s house or something. Then…-”

 

Sam pauses for a moment. Looking into Dean’s eyes. Dean could see the absolute horror behind the sadness in his brother’s eyes. Whatever his father did then shook Sam so badly he still fears it.

 

“He said he would rape you. He told me that I would be forced to watch every single second of it. After he was done with you then he would kill you. Then kill me slowly and painfully. I believed him. Everything he had ever threatened me with came true at some point. So by that point, I was his little pet. I would pretty much follow anything he said to the T. I was too scared to speak out. To voice an opinion.” Sam’s tears are falling harder.

 

Dean grips Sam’s shoulder just like Cas had earlier to him. “It’s ok. I’m fine. He never did anything to me. You protected me, Sam.”

 

Sam pushes forward. “The last time he did it to me was the night before I got my Stanford letter. I was rethinking my decision to leave. He showed up with a look in his eyes and I knew right away what was happening. I let him do whatever he wanted to me. I didn’t even try to fight this time. Then the next day I got my letter and I knew leaving was the right thing to do for me. I called up Bobby not telling him everything of course. He then helped me leave.”

 

“I never mentioned it to anyone. I never thought I would need to worry about it again. Then you went to hell. I was a little too drunk. A demon pushes me into an alleyway rips my pants off and does what it wanted. Then Ruby came and saved me. Then got me hooked. Before we killed her she told me that the demon was planted. It wasn’t just a random demon who happened to know who I was. It was Alastair.”

 

Dean felt all of the air leave his lungs.“No way. He was in hell. He was torturing me.”

 

Sam shrugs slightly tears slowing down a bit. “I don’t know dude. That’s all she said to me. Although before I killed him he acted as if he knew me personally. Which wouldn’t make sense as I have never met him before.”

 

Dean shakes his head. Trying to run through all of the hell memories for a time when Alastair wasn’t hurting him. There was a moment during the middle or so of his time in Hell that might be when Alastair left. That would be the only time that the story would match up.

 

“It doesn’t matter, what happened happened. He is dead so it’s not like we can stop and ask him.” Sam says clearly not liking the conversation at all.

 

“That’s fair. What else?” Dean questions. Trying to advance the conversation.

 

“Then I jumped into the pit. Michael tried to protect me and Adam plus himself from Lucifer. He was always weak. It must have been about a week or so in when I forced Michael to just worry about himself and Adam. We fought about it but I won. Michael fled to the farthest corner in the cage with Adam. Promising me that he would do whatever he could to keep Adam safe. Then Lucifer used me for his own entertainment. He liked to make me scream so I did. That moment onwards until I got out I was his little bitch. Well, I guess I still am.”

 

“No, you aren’t. Don’t even say that. You will never be Lucifer’s anything. You are so much stronger than him. You are so much stronger than dad and Alastair. You beat them. They tried to break you down. To kill you, but did you falter? No. You are here. Still fighting.”

 

Sam sighs. “It sounds a lot easier when you say it. I am a giant failure. I can’t do anything right. I can’t protect myself. I just get stepped on.”

 

Dean knows he can’t change his brother’s mind but decides to try anyway. “Sammy. You are no such thing. You are one of the best people I have ever met. I’m proud to call you my brother.” Dean emphasizes on the brother part. Knowing that when Sam gets depressed he tends to feel a lot more body dysphoria than normally.

 

Sam made eye contact with him. His eyes sad and questioning they are searching his face. As if he is trying to find some sort of lie or trick in Dean’s eyes. Trying to make sure that Dean wasn’t going to leave him to rot. Checking and making sure that everything would be ok.

 

“Ok.”

 

It’s simple and not very convincing but it’s better than nothing. So Dean doesn’t question it. He decides to ask another question.

 

“When did Gabe find out?”

 

“About a week ago. I was having a bad nightmare and he woke me up and I kind of just let it go. Everything came out, I told him absolutely everything. And he listened. Without even questioning me.” Sam looks down his face pensive.

 

“Of course he did. He loves you. Nothing will keep him from trying to help you as much as he can.” Dean says softly.

 

 

\-----------(POV Change ((Gabe)))--------

 

Gabe had heard it all. He listened from the hallway as Sam told Dean everything. It was so emotional he could feel Dean’s sadness and utter helplessness. He could also feel Sam’s pain, Sam’s agony. Of course, Gabe knew everything. Hearing the story for the second time didn’t make it better. It was probably worse. The fact that Sam had held on to this for so long was painful to Gabe. Dean was right. He did listen because he loved Sam. He listened to everything that Sam told him without any hesitation. Of course, Gabe would listen. Why wouldn’t he? Sam was his boyfriend, the only person who made himself feel human.

 

Gabriel was going to kill Lucifer. That was final. He would stab Lucifer through the heart repeatedly until there wasn’t even anything left of him. Then he would go and find John Winchester. Gabe hasn’t full out tortured someone for centuries, but that man deserved all of it.

 

None of that mattered right now. What was important was getting Sam somewhere safe. As he had already stated Lucifer knew where this place was so getting Sam out was a top priority.

 

He wasn’t going to let anything happen to Sam. Not ever again. Gabriel would die before he lets it.


	2. My Heart Still Beats

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean, Cas, Gabe, and Sam all leave.
> 
>  
> 
> (Chapter name comes from a Maria Mena song!)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So you guys should totally listen to "My Heart Still Beats" by Maria Mena. I was listening to that while writing this. It doesn't really have anything to do with the chapter but I like the name. And yes I know this is shorter than the last but I need this as a filler chapter.
> 
> Leave comments if you like it!

  
  


\-----------(POV Change ((Sam)))--------

 

Sam wakes up to the sound of music playing softly. The gently rocking telling him that he was in the Impala. He doesn’t want to open his eyes. His body was sore, his mind hazy, there was the soft sound of somebody breathing next to him. He would rather have the soft music and rocking lull him back to sleep. His body wouldn’t allow it. Sam was as rested as he would be able to get. He decides to allow himself to open his eyes. He quickly recognizes the backseat of the Impala, Dean, and Cas in the front and himself and Gabriel in the back. 

 

It’s still night which means that Sam couldn’t have been sleeping for that long. It doesn’t really matter all that much to him how much he slept. He was just glad he wasn’t with Lucifer.

 

**_God, how pathetic. You can’t even realize how of his little bitch you really are._ **

 

_ I am not his anything. Especially not his bitch. _

 

**_Says you._ **

 

_ No says Dean, Cas, and Gabe. They haven’t left me yet.  _

 

**_Just wait. They will within the next couple of days. If I were Dean I would drop you off right here right now. No hesitation. Not even letting you get your stuff._ **

 

_ He hasn’t done it yet. Even after everything else I have done.  _

 

**_He should’ve done it a long time ago. I would’ve._ **

 

Sam stops listening. Choosing to focus on the scenery passing by him. The events of the last 10 hours or so running through his mind. He feels his stomach clench. 

 

“Hey, Sammich.” Gabe’s voice was quiet. Reassuring. It was as if he was trying to keep the conversation between the two of them. “How are you feeling?”

 

Sam looks over at his boyfriend. Who is looking back at him, his eyes wide and face friendly.

 

“Not bad,” he croaks out voice quiet in the dark. “I’m hungry and thirsty.” 

 

Gabriel chuckles. “Yeah, I would be too. We can get your brother to stop so we can eat something, and rest.”

 

“I think I am rested enough. Why aren’t we in the bunker? And where are we?” 

 

Gabe opens his mouth to respond but it quickly cut off by Dean.

 

“We figured since Lucifer knows where it is we would leave as quickly as possible.” 

 

Sam feels shame rise in his chest. 

 

**_Leave. If you can’t handle this then open that door and jump._ **

 

“And, yes we will stop soon. Cas is passed out and I am about ready to fall too. To answer your second question we are in Colorado. Heading towards Rufus’s old cabin.”

 

“Oh, ok” Sam responds timidly. 

 

_ Once they stop they will probably leave me. Then Lucifer could find me… I would have nowhere to go. No one to turn to. I couldn’t even kill myself. He would find me. Then I would be his again.   _

 

“Don’t worry Sammy. He won’t get you again.”

 

Dean almost always seemed to know what he was thinking, even the half of it.

 

“Yeah Sammich I will kill him if he ever looks at you again,” Gabe confesses. 

 

Sam knows it's a legitimate threat. Gabriel never ever advocates violence. At least between his brothers. Pretty much anything else was fair game. 

 

“Thank you,” Sam isn’t 100% convinced but he feels better for the moment. 

 

There are a few moments of silence. Sam returns to looking out the window. Watching as darkened fields pass them by. The silence was really awkward. Words that should probably be said were left unsaid. Of course, that hasn't stopped them before.  The Winchester’s were the best at not talking about feelings. Neither Sam nor Dean were going to talk feelings. That was just how things were. Sam was ok with it. He has always encouraged people to talk their feelings. Not this time, however. It wasn’t going to happen. He didn’t want to share any more than he already had. 

 

He supposes that if Gabe really wanted to he could read Sam’s mind. Knowing his boyfriend he wouldn’t do that though. 

  
  


\-----------(POV Change ((Gabe)))--------

  
  


The way Sam looked right now was like an angel blade stabbing into Gabe’s heart. Sam’s usually finely kept hair was in tangles. His eyes were empty, gone was all of the light. Even Sam’s posture seemed to have changed. He seemed to be trying to shrink in on himself. Make himself smaller, more insignificant. His alluring face usually showing some emotion, was completely empty. 

 

Gabe isn’t sure what is going on in Sam’s mind but Gabe is pretty sure he wouldn't like it very much. He wants nothing more than to swoop down and read Sam’s mind, just to be sure the human wasn’t going to do something drastic. Gabe was stuck at an impasse. Not read Sam’s mind and risk missing something that can help the human. Or read Sam’s mind and violate him, neither was the preferred method.  Gabriel could talk to Sam and try to get him to say something, anything really. That won’t work if Sam wasn’t talking now he wouldn’t later on. Reading his mind it is.  ****__  
  


**_Jump out the car. It would be easier that way. They wouldn’t miss you._ **

 

Horror fills Gabriel. His boyfriend. The only creature who had made the Archangel actually feel feelings was thinking that it would be better to jump out of the car and kill himself. Gabe is frozen watching Sam. He looks down watching his boyfriends hands. Never breaking eye contact. A few moments later Sam’s hand starts to rise. Slowly, uncertain of what it wants to do. 

 

Gabe’s hand lashes out. Lightly grabbing Sam’s. The human makes eye contact with him. Realization filling his void eyes. Then snapping away as quickly as it had come. Gabriel doesn’t let him go. Keeping a loose grip on Sam’s arm, not quite loose enough to give Sam the freedom to run. Sam is still looking at him. Gabriel feels awful. He knows that Sam must hate him right now. Hell, he would be too. 

Sam and Gabe sit there looking at each other. Sam’s face softens slightly. Allowing himself to breathe. Gabriel listens to the sound of the sigh, taking note of the slight wheeze. Sam doesn’t seem any worse for the wear. He wants nothing more than to read his mind again. He won’t do it this time. He had already violated Sam once today he didn’t want to do it again. 

 

“Thank you,” The words are so quiet Gabe barely hears it Nonetheless he hears it anyway. Sam looks slightly embarrassed. A red flush growing up his face. 

 

Gabe slightly nods and smiles. Knowing that if Dean hears any of this he will flip out. And none of them want that. 

 

“10 miles to the next town,” Dean announces from the front of the car.


	3. Food Can't Fix Everything, but it Can Sure Help

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Food time is the best time.

\-----------(POV Change ((Gabriel)))--------

 

It was a small town. If you could even call it a town. It consisted of a couple of apartment buildings, a 24-hour diner, and a crappy motel. But it worked for what they needed. Dean had dropped them off at the diner while he got gas. The diner was dead empty. There were 2 people in the front. One a server and one an old man who seemed to just be there for coffee. With the tinkling of the bells alerting them to their arrival the server was almost sprinting over to them. 

 

Gabriel took a look at Cas and Sam waiting for one of them to say something. After it became clear that neither of them was going to say anything  Gabe spoke up.“Table for 4 please,” he was only nice to people who worked in customer service. They already had enough on their plate. 

 

“Of course! If you don’t mind me asking where is your number 4?” The waitress who must have been a middle to upper aged women asked. 

 

“He is getting gas. Gotta keep fueled up.” 

 

“Fair enough. Follow me.”

 

She leads them to a booth in the back corner. Sam sliding in first, Gabe following him, and Cas sliding into the other side. 

 

“I will let you guys have a couple of minutes to decide and I will be back!” She said with a tired smile and she walked off. 

 

They sat in silence for a couple of minutes looking at the menu.  Then Dean had walked in. He just walked back towards them and slide in next to Cas. 

 

“So what did I miss?” He asked the 3 of them.

 

“Nothing much. The waitress is a very curious person,” Cas had replied with a confused look on his face.

 

Gabe and Dean both rolled their eyes. Somehow Cas still didn’t know a single thing about humans, and that much was clear.

 

“She was trying to make conversation Cas. Anyways, what are we ordering?” Dean continued.

 

“I am ordering a short stack of pancakes,” Gabe didn’t even need to look at the menu to know what he wanted.

 

“Go figures. What about you Cas?” 

 

“Why would I order something? I don’t need to eat.”

 

“Cause I’m starving and I will take what you don’t eat.”

 

“I am not ordering anything Dean.” 

 

“Fine, nevermind then. What about you Sammy?”

 

Sam’s head turns from where he was staring out the window. “What was that?”

 

Dean’s light smile turns into a frown. Then it switched back. Gabriel seemed to be the only one to notice. 

 

“What are you planning on eating?” 

 

“Umm. I’m not sure. Maybe a salad?” Sam picks up the menu and looks starts to flip through it. His face is a little bit pink. Probably embarrassed. His eyes are avoiding everyone. It is a way for him to cope. Gabe knows that the human prefers avoiding everything all together. 

 

“Sam you should probably eat something with more protein.” Dean tried to counter him.

 

The waitress chose the perfect time to come over and ask them what they wanted to eat. 

 

After everyone went through ordering what they wanted she turned to face Sam who had gone back into his own world. 

 

“And what about you, hun?” 

 

Sam whipped his head in her direction. “Umm, just a salad and a water please.” 

 

“Alrighty then! I will be back with these in a few minutes.” She turned and walked off. Gabriel felt slightly discouraged.

 

Sam needed to eat more. That much was certain. Even before the Lucifer thing Sam hardly ate. And when he did it was some kind of rabbit food or hardly enough to even qualify as a meal. The kid was a string bean. Maybe he could fake being full and give it to Sam. Knowing Sam he would probably see right through Gabriel. He would see through any of them, except maybe Cas, but he always gives his food to Dean. 

 

Even if he offered his food Sam wouldn’t take it. The human was more stubborn than Michael and Lucifer at some points. He supposes that makes sense, considering that Sam was Lucifer’s vessel. Sam was just 6 foot 4 of solid sass and stubbornness. Both of which will probably get him killed, but not if Gabriel could stop it. 

 

A couple more minutes passed before their food came. Dean and himself had dug into their food without a moment's hesitation. Gabriel decided on a side thought to turn and make sure that Sam was eating, while still eating his food of course. To his disappointment, he wasn’t. No, Sam was just picking through it.  

 

\-----------(POV Change ((Sam)))--------

 

Sam wanted to eat. He really wanted to. He couldn’t. He didn’t do anything to deserve it. In fact, he had millions of reasons he didn’t deserve to eat. Even though his stomach was roaring he ignored it. Just pushing it around. His body tenses at the feeling of someone watching him. He relaxes when he realizes it was just Gabe watching him. The archangel had a streak of watching Sam when Gabe thinks he doesn’t notice. He almost always notices though. 

 

At this point, Gabriel and Dean must’ve been about halfway done with their food. Sam’s hunger won out. Taking a bite his stomach feels instantly better. Even his headache felt slightly better. He supposes that makes sense. Even before the Lucifer thing he hadn’t eaten in a while. He was too busy working on research for the Darkness as well as the other scattered hunts from around the area. Following that moment he digs into his food. Quickly catching up to Dean and Gabe. Sam feels the tension in the airlift slightly and decides maybe eating was the better option.

 

Sam has never been more happy to eat a crappy diner salad in his life. 


	4. Well This Couldn't Get Any Worse

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys get a hotel room!

\-----------(POV Change ((Dean)))--------

 

Honestly, Dean was terrified. None of them knew where Lucifer was. For all, they knew he could be watching from the sidelines just waiting for the perfect opportunity to strike. Then there was also the darkness who was doing whatever she wanted. 

 

Then there was Sam who had completely shut down. At the restaurant he had only ordered his food, then just silence. Once they got to a hotel Sam changed and passed out on the floor wrapped around himself. It was decided that they would leave him there. Sam wasn’t one to sleep on the floor unless it didn’t make him feel safer. Not that any of them could blame him.

So they had just laid a blanket on top of him and moved his head enough to slip a pillow under him. 

 

Now all three of them were keeping watch. Gabriel was closest to the door. His golden brown eyes containing a mixture of things. Mostly just anger. It also contained a few other things that Dean couldn’t quite place. He had a pretty decent feeling of what they were though just judging from what he was feeling. Protectiveness, sadness, fear. 

 

Cas, however, was the opposite. His eyes had one clear emotion. Anger, rage even. The angel was pacing back and forth. Every once and awhile taking a looks towards Sam. His eyes softening momentarily. Then hardening as soon as he looks away.

 

Dean was a mixture of dead tired, terrified, and pissed as all hell. He wanted to sleep, kill Lucifer, and just hide Sam from him. Overall he felt awful. What kind of brother would let something like this happen to there brother not once not twice but literally hundreds of times? Nothing that Dean could do would allow himself to be redeemed. Sam was his responsibility and he failed, multiple times. There is no coming back from that.

 

“Dean?” Cas’s voice is soft. 

 

He turns towards the angel who was now standing a bit closer to him than he was before. “Yeah, Cas?”

 

“You should try to sleep. You must be-”

 

“No way. Not with Lucifer out there. I need to be awake to be able to fight him I need to.”

 

“Come on Deano.” Gabe jumps into the conversation. “You are no use to us dead on your feet with exhaustion. Cas and I got this.” 

 

Cas nods in agreement. “Gabriel is right. Sam will need you well rested.”

 

Dean looks down at his feet. His shoulders are heavy, eyes could snap shut at any time. Sleeping was looking better every second his eyes were open. And Cas is an angel and Gabe a fucking archangel. Maybe sleep was good.

 

“Alright, fine,” Dean says. “But wake me up in a couple of hours.” He goes and lays down on the bed eyes closing, and passing out before he even has a chance to put a blanket over him.

  
  


\-----------(POV Change ((Cas)))--------

  
  


Cas was mad. Unbelievably mad. He wanted to skewer Lucifer with an angel blade. He wanted to throw Lucifer into a pit of holy fire.  He wanted to line the cage with spikes covered in holy oil then drop Lucifer in, setting the oil ablaze. Nobody absolutely nobody would touch Sam Winchester again. Cas would die before the boy who saved the world was hurt again. No creature in this universe would lay another finger on Sam Winchester.

 

He takes another look at the human. Sam sure was a confusing one He was born in a female body but he had a male soul. Even trying to insult the man was difficult. Sam was more happy than upset to be called “the boy with the demon blood.” It was rather strange to Cas. Up until he learned about what it means to be Transgender. Then it clicked for him. Why Sam was happy to be called that.

 

Even after everything that the two of them had been through he barely knew anything else about the man. Which was upsetting but not surprising. The first 2 years Cas knew Sam Cas had done nothing to get to know him. Just worrying about Dean and how everything fit together. Then Sam went to the cage. They hadn’t really gotten a chance since then to talk much. Most of their conversations were hunting related, or how to help Dean with the mark of Cain. Cas would change that once the human woke up.

 

None of this mattered, Sam didn’t deserve his free will to be stolen time after time again. The demons and angels stole it. Sam’s father had stolen it. Lucifer had stolen it. Even Dean, Cas, and Gabriel had taken it to some extent. None of the three had meant to do it really. 

 

Except for Cas, if anyone of the three had taken away Sam’s free will for good it was Cas. He had let him out of the panic room and allowed Sam to kill Lilith starting the apocalypse, then had the audacity to call him out on it. He had also torn down Sam’s wall keeping the Lucifer memories at bay and released a flood of hallucinations, nightmares, and visions onto Sam. All just to keep Dean and Bobby off of his trail while he opened the door to purgatory. It was a failed attempt as Dean and Bobby tried to stop him anyways. Then Sam goes and helps him put the souls back. Not even caring that the angel he was helping had ruined his mind. Sam never stopped helping Cas. Or Dean. Or Gabriel. The human was the strongest one he knew. 

 

Now Sam was reduced to a former husk. Cuddled under a blanket back against the wall. Sam refuses to speak and will not do anything short of breathing. Luckily he had passed out, again. Cas wanted to wake him up and hug him. 

 

He glances slightly towards Gabriel who is also looking at Sam. A look of regret on his face. Cas cannot even imagine what Gabriel must be thinking. Cas turns away going back to pacing. Eyes shifting between the two brothers. 

 

A few minutes had passed before one of them spoke.

 

“He wanted to kill himself Cas,” Gabriel’s hushed voice breaks the silence.

 

“Sam?” Cas questions, looking at the older angel.

 

Gabriel nods pitifully. “He probably would’ve if I didn’t stop him.”

 

“How did you know?” Cas comes and sits down across from Gabriel at the table.

 

“I read his mind. I was making sure he wasn’t going to do anything drastic. I shouldn’t have done it though.” 

 

“Yes, you should have. Sam would’ve killed himself if you didn’t.”

 

“I violated him though,” Gabriel stammers.

 

“In the long run, I’m sure he will forgive you. Yes it is bad that you did that but it would’ve been worse if you didn’t”

 

“I suppose your right.”

 

The two angels are silent for a few moments before horrific screaming suddenly rocks through the room.

  
  


\-----------(POV Change ((Gabe)))--------

 

Gabriel and Cas leap up from their seats at the table. Dean flies out of bed grabbing his gun from the nightstand next to him. 

 

Gabe was the first to realize where the screaming was coming from. Sam. Gabe ran to his boyfriend’s side. Sam flew up breathing jagged, sweat dripping down his forehead. Gabriel starts to quietly shush him. 

 

“It’s okay Sammy. It’s okay. I’m here. He can’t hurt you anymore.” 

 

Sam tears away from Gabe. His limbs thrashing all around trying to back into the wall. Sobs wracking his entire body. 

 

The terrible screaming had stopped but Sam was still hyperventilating. His hands scratching at his arms. 

 

Cas, Dean, and Gabe all looked at each other with a look of dread and fear.


	5. Sleep is for the Weak

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The aftermath of Sam's nightmare.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm thinking maybe 10 chapters? I'm not 100% certain though. Leave comments those things fuel me.

\-----------(POV Change ((Sam)))--------

 

Sam’s head pounds. He feels someone touch him. His nightmare was coming to life. Lucifer was there his hands were all over Sam. So cold they were burning him.

 

_ No. No. No. You can’t touch me! Not again. Never again.  _

 

He rips backward feeling relieved that he can even move. Feeling even more relieved that the hands didn’t follow him. His heart rate continuing to pound. He knows he needs to calm down. He just can’t. His breathing is erratic. His lungs and throat in pain. He knows it’s a combination of a lack of proper breathing, however, he doesn’t understand why his throat is in pain. He digs his nails into his arm winching at the pain. 

 

**_Pain is a good thing. It’s all you deserve._ **

 

_ No. I need to wake up.  _

 

**_You can’t. You are too weak. You can’t be anything._ **

 

_ Shut up. I need to wake up.  _

 

**_Do you really though? You don’t even know what is going on out there. For all, you know you could be with Lucifer._ **

 

_ Shut the fuck up you stupid bitch. You are nothing. You are nothing but my thoughts. You have no power.  _

 

**_Do I really? Then why am I here? I’m in your mind without a problem. Clearly, you need me for some reason. You are a fucking idiot who relies on the voice in his head to get some basic common sense. If you weren’t such a fucking baby you wouldn’t have this problem._ **

 

_ SHUT THE HELL UP!  _

 

**_I’ll never be gone._ **

 

_ I SAID SHUT THE HELL UP! _

 

Then the voice is gone. It’s silence. Sam feels his breathing slowly getting back to normal. He looks down at his arms and sees the bleeding scratches. Probably the cause of pain.

 

_ Did I do that? I couldn’t have.  _

 

He’s aware of people around him. Sam decides to risk it all and allows himself to shift his focus slightly towards them. His mind is screaming to just shut down. Not allow anybody in at all. A voice that sounds suspiciously like Lucifer is telling him to just give in. In fact, that voice telling him to is probably why he hasn’t given in. 

 

_ Sammy, please come out. We only want to help you. _

 

The voice is kind and caring, so he pushes outwards. Despite what his mind is telling him. 

 

\-----------(POV Change ((Gabe)))--------

 

Gabriel wasn’t sure where to go from here, he had just tried to send a message into Sam’s mind. He knew that his brothers had done it before but Gabriel himself had never tried it out. He has no idea if it actually reached its target. Hell, he has no idea whether Sam ignored it or not. Sam had just ripped himself away from Gabriel. It was a clear and evident sign that he didn’t want to be touched. So it was the only thing Gabriel could think to do.  A quick glance tells him that Dean and Cas were also just staring at Sam. 

 

All they could do was wait. Gabriel takes a glance at the rest of Sam’s body. He was breathing very hard. His chest rising up and down. Gabriel wondered briefly if Sam had even bothered to take his binder off. Gabriel hadn’t seen him do it, but maybe Dean or Cas did. Bleeding welts cover his arms. It looked almost as if the human had gotten into a fight with a cat, and had the situation not been so dire Gabriel probably would’ve made a joke about it. Whatever joke he was even thinking about flew out of his mind when Sam’s breathing started to slow. 

 

_ It worked! I managed to send a thought into a humans head! Fuck you Lucifer and Michael! I did it ya fucks. _

 

His celebration was cut off by Sam looking up the man had his deer caught in the headlights look on his face. And for once Gabriel didn’t know what to say. He had no clue how to start the conversation.

 

“Hey, Sammy.” Dean was the first to break the silence. Lowering himself down the where his brother was sitting.

 

“Dean?” Sam sounded confused. “What happened?”

 

“You tell us kiddo. You just started screaming. It was like somebody was murdering you.”

 

Ouch. That was not the thing to say. It definitely wasn’t. Sam somehow managed to shrink back even more than he was before. 

 

“Really I didn’t know. Do you know what I was screaming about?” The confusion was certainly faked this time. 

 

Gabriel and Cas shared a knowing look with each other. Dean either didn’t notice or didn’t care. 

 

“Nope. We were hoping you could tell us.” Dean speaks slowly trying not to send Sam back into a panic attack. 

 

Sam shuffles slightly. “Sorry but I can’t. I don’t remember anything. I just woke up and I couldn’t breathe. Then you guys were here and pulled me out. Well, Gabriel did.” 

 

“That’s alright Sam.” Cas had cut in before Dean had the chance to ask another question. “Other than your arms are you feeling ok?”

 

Sam is clearly grateful for Cas having changed the subject. 

 

“My throat hurts a bit-” Sam glances down at the ground. “but I guess the screaming explains that,” he adds sheepishly. 

 

“Anything else?” Cas had pressed on.

 

“No not that I’m aware of.” Sam’s eyes were still on the ground.

 

“Is it ok if Gabriel or I were to heal you?” 

 

“Um yeah. Go ahead.” 

 

Cas made a motion to Gabe. Conveying all that needed to be said between the two. Dean understanding what was going on rose from where he was sitting and took a seat on the bed.

 

Gabriel moved forward towards Sam and pressed his fingers gently on his head. Making sure all of the grace he let into Sam in order to heal him didn’t contain any of the anger and regret he was currently possessing. He watched as the welts slowly disappeared from Sam’s arms. Letting his hand fall to Sam’s knee. When Sam didn’t attempt to get it off of him Gabriel finally felt the courage to say something. 

 

“You ok kiddo?” Gabriel had whispered. 

 

Sam glanced up at him from the floor. From the moment Gabriel had met Sam he knew that the gateway to how Sam was feeling was through the eyes. Right now Sam’s eyes truly showed how he was feeling. Nothing. Well, maybe not entirely nothing. Along with the empty, there was a twinge of fear and sadness. 

He couldn’t meet those eyes any longer. So, Gabriel turned towards Cas and Dean who were talking quietly, occasionally looking back at Sam and Gabe. Less than 48 hours ago Sam’s eyes had contained so much light it hurt to think about. Now they were full of nothing. They were almost dead. 

 

“It will be okay Sam,” Gabriel stated. His voice full of confidence. 

 

“You promise?” The quiet mouse-like voice caused Gabriel to take another glance towards his boyfriend.

 

“On my life,” Gabriel replied. 

 

Unbeknownst to Gabriel, somebody was watching in from the window.


	6. Secrets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gabriel and Sam talk and secrets are revealed.

\-----------(POV Change ((Dean)))--------

Dean was still effectively exhausted. He barely got more than 10 minutes of sleep when Sammy had started screaming. Now he couldn’t get back to sleep. There was no way he was gonna be able to, and he had a sneaking suspicion that he wasn’t the only one. Cas had started to pace the room. Dean had guessed that Cas was doing that before Sam had woken up. Dean didn’t mind, the sound was keeping the room from being too silent. It was keeping Dean from going insane.  
After Sam and Gabriel had finished talking Gabriel had slid over next to Sam and provided a shoulder for Sam to rest his head on. Now they were both just sitting in silence. Sam’s eyes were closed, but he certainly wasn’t sleeping. One of his fingers were tapping the ground, a nervous tick of Sam’s.

Now that Dean was thinking about it Sam started doing that when they were kids. Especially when John was around. Was it a habit that Sam had picked up to keep his mind focused on something else when John was raping him? Or was it something he could do to keep himself from crying out when John was beating him? Now Dean was beginning to question everything that had happened when he and Sam were children. How often did Sam get hurt by his own father? God, how many times did Sam get hurt while Dean was simply in the other room?

_God. How often did this happen, Sammy? Why wouldn’t you tell me? I get you were scared of dad but I could’ve helped you. John you son of a bitch, I will kill you!_

Dean also knew that Sam had been bullied pretty badly in Middle and High school. How much of that was real? Did Sam actually been physically hurt by them or was it just a cover up to keep Dean from knowing about John? Dean felt like his entire life has been flipped upside down. Every feeling he had about his father has gone a complete 180.

He really wants to just walk over and ask his brother, but he knows that this isn’t the time or place. So he will just wait. Right now Gabriel is a literal lifesaver. Dean knows that Sam is feeling embarrassed about this, and would rather not have anybody around him at all. Dean was grateful that Gabe was even around to help Sam. Sam wouldn’t want to make Dean feel like he needed help. So Dean will press the matter later on. In the meantime, Dean would make sure that nobody will hurt Sam.

 

\-----------(POV Change ((Gabe)))--------

Sam was in need of help. That much Gabriel was certain. Sam’s mental health has clearly taken a turn for the worse. As the night progressed Dean and even Cas had managed to fall asleep, but Sam was still wide awake. His head still sitting on Gabe’s shoulder. At least the shaking had stopped. Sam was breathing slowly. Gabriel felt immensely guilty.

“I am so sorry Sam.” Gabriel breaks that silence. He feels Sam’s head shift slightly. “I shouldn’t have left you alone.”

“Gabriel it isn’t your.” Sam had begun to interrupt.

“Sam. I knew he was free.” Gabriel quietly admitted.

Sam’s head lifted off of Gabriel’s shoulder, and Gabe felt his heart clench a bit.

“What?” Sam sounded betrayed. Gabriel watched Sam start to slide away from him, and he felt his heart clench even more. So he turns away looking at the wall.

“It started after we had that meeting with him. He would never shut up. I thought that he had managed to get into my head. He kept saying how he would find you. How he would jump back into you and start the apocalypse. Then he would do whatever he wanted to you. I didn’t think that he was free and that he was just trying to get my head out of the game. So I ignored it. Then he found you. While I wasn’t there to protect you.”

Gabriel looked back towards Sam. The human had a very conflicted look on his face.

“I understand if you don’t want to be around”

“Gabriel shut up.” Sam suddenly spit out, making Gabriel flinch back shocked. “I don’t care. It wasn’t your fault, okay? Trust me. I know what it’s like to have Lucifer in your head. It’s truly terrifying. Once he gets in your head it’s nearly impossible to get him out.”

“But I-”

Gabriel is suddenly cut off by the door getting kicked open.

Sam and Gabriel throw themselves up onto their feet. Cas and Dean also doing the same thing. Dean pulling out his gun, Cas and Gabriel pulling out angel blades. Gabriel yanking Sam slightly behind him. All four of them waiting for whatever or whoever to walk through that door.

Lucifer walked into the room. A wide smile on his face. “Hey, guys! Long time no see. Hey Sammy.”

Gabriel hears Sam wimper behind him.

Gabriel. Please stop him. I can’t I can’t deal with this. Please… Gabriel receives Sams prayers.

With a flick of his wrist, Lucifer sends all four of them flying into a wall. Lucifer puts Sam several feet away from Gabriel.

Lucifer walks further into the room. And looks over at Sam.

“Leave him alone Lucifer!” Gabriel tries to plead with Lucifer. Only to be ignored.

“Ohhh boy this is gonna be fun.”


	7. Its All We Know

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lucifer is there

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is pretty short in my opinion but I needed to have the next chapter separate from this one. 
> 
> Also, I think this will be a multipart series. I haven't quite decided where I want to go with this.

\-----------(POV Change ((Sam)))--------

 

_ Fuck, fuck, fuck and fuck. Not Lucifer. No. No no no no no no.  _

 

Sam watches Lucifer stroll over to him, a complete repeat of only less than 24 hours before. 

 

“No. Please.” Sam begs quietly. His body growing colder with each step.

 

“Ohh Sammy, you really think you can just run away from me? I thought we were over this. I mean really. Every single time you try to get rid of me I come back.”

 

He just gives a whimper in response. Shivering at this point.

 

“Lucifer!” Gabriel screams. “I said leave him alone!” 

 

Then Lucifer was pushed to the side by an invisible force. Sam is released. He falls to his hands and knees. A sharp crack emits from his wrist and pain shoots through his hand and up his arm. His wrist feels like it's on fire. He pulls himself towards the corner. 

 

Sam feels his breathing becoming sporadic and even dangerous. From what Sam can see of the battle between Dean, Cas, Gabe, and Lucifer it wasn’t going well for anyone but Lucifer. An idea suddenly pops into his mind. He uses his uninjured hand to slice open his injured hand palm and quickly draws the angel banishing sigil.

 

_ Gabriel.  _ Sam starts to pray.  _ Get Cas and Dean out of here.  I have an angel banishing sigil ready to go but I need you guys out of the way. _

 

Gabriel turns towards Sam briefly a look of uncertainty on his face.  _ Are you sure Sam? Why does Dean need to leave?  _ Gabriel responds back. 

 

_ I’m positive. In case this doesn’t work I am not leaving my brother to be with the devil. It would be unsafe.  _

 

_ Sam you can’t just sacrifice yourself. Lucifer will do dad knows what with you if this doesn’t work. _

 

_ Gabe, I know what he will do if this doesn’t work, but do you have any other idea? _

 

_ No, but we will think of one. _

 

Sam watches the fight continue on. Dean was clearly on his last legs and Cas’s nose looked to be broken. Gabriel was also still fighting but it seemed he was quickly losing strength. He knows what needs to be done. 

 

_ Gabriel, please. You guys will die if you don’t get out of here. You don’t even need to go far. Just out of reach from the sigil.  _

 

_ Fine.  _

 

Then Gabriel is grabbing Cas and Dean and they are gone. 

 

Lucifer turns towards Sam a sadistic grin on his face.“Well, it looks like they abandoned you.” 

 

“Not quite.” Sam responds with a snarl. Lucifer notices the sigil and runs towards Sam. The hunter slams his injured hand onto the sigil. Ignoring the throbbing pain. A great white light temporarily lights up the room so Sam cannot see if it was effective or not. From the sound of Lucifer’s angry scream suddenly being cut off Sam only has to guess that it worked. 

 

Once the light disappears Sam looks around the empty room. The air temperature was drastically warmer.

 

_ Fuck yeah it worked!  _ Sam felt something along the line of glee. 

 

_ Gabe. It worked. You guys can come back now.  _ Sam prayed to the archangel. 

 

Just as suddenly as they had vanished Gabe, Cas, and Dean appeared.

 

“What the fuck you fucking coward! You just left Sam back there! I will…” Dean suddenly seemed to realize that they were back in the room. 

 

Sam stands up to meet them. Dean and Gabriel quickly race towards him. Cas following slowly behind.

 

“Sam are you ok?” Dean and Gabriel ask at the exact same time. 

 

Dean looks at Gabriel “Why would you care you left him alone! He could’ve died or worse!” Dean’s words are full of venom.

 

“Well it wasn’t!-” 

 

“Stop! Just please stop fighting!” Sam begged, cutting Gabe’s response off.  “Dean, it was my idea. I drew an angel banishing sigil and needed Cas and Gabe out of here before I could use it.”

 

Dean’s angry expression dropped. “Sammy why did I need to leave then?”  

 

Sam looked at his feet and shuffled on them. “Lucifer could’ve hurt you.” Sam admitted quietly. 

 

“Sam you can’t just sacrifice yourself.” 

 

“That’s what I said.” Gabriel jumped in. “He wouldn’t take no for an answer.” 

 

“Can we have this discussion when we get to the cabin?” Cas said before anybody could comment. “Sam are you hurt anywhere?”

 

To be honest Sam had completely forgotten about his wrist, it took him a second to recognize the flaring pain. It probably was broken, as nothing was ever that easy for the Winchesters. 

 

“Umm yeah I pretty sure that my wrist is broken.” 

 

Dean let out a sigh and muttered something that sounded like “stubborn bitch”

 

“Do I have your permission to heal it?” 

 

With Sam’s nod. Cas reached out and laid his hand gently on Sam’s wrist. Cas’s grace always felt welcoming and warm compared to Lucifer’s. As the grace flowed through Sam he felt warmer. Where Lucifer ran cold Cas and Gabriel were warm. Even Michael’s grace wasn’t that welcoming. Michael’s was hot, probably hotter than the sun. It was the exact opposite of Lucifer’s. Sam preferred any angel grace over Lucifer’s. 

 

Cas’s hand left Sam’s wrist and the warm feeling ebbed. Sam was mostly warm by now but he could feel the cold in his bones even though by now the room was back to its original temperature. It was easy to shut out though. 

 

“We should just keep going.” Dean said impatiently. “The longer we stay here the greater of a chance Lucifer has to come back.”

 

“I agree with Dean.” Cas commented. “However it is all up to Sam when we go.” 

 

Before anybody had the chance to say anything Sam spoke. “Yeah. Let's go. It isn’t like any of us are gonna get anymore sleep. I do have one question though. How did Lucifer manage to track us?”

 

“I think it was less of us and more of the Impala.” Gabriel replied. 

 

“No way. Baby is 100% innocent!” Dean defends his car very quickly. “She would never-” 

 

“Oh my dad. I meant that the Impala is easily trackable! Even without the technology of the day. We need to put some warding on it so then we won’t be traced.” 

 

“While Dean is checking out we can put some warding on it.” Sam tried. “Like the stuff Cas put on our ribs.” 

 

“That would work.” Cas nodded. “I don’t know why we didn’t do that before now.” 

 

“Do whatever. Just don’t scratch her paint or let him touch her.” Dean pointed at Gabriel. 

 

“I would never-” 

 

Sam interrupted Gabriel before another fight could break out. “Then let's get ready to go.” 


	8. Happy Late Birthday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After reaching the cabin Sam gets a late birthday gift!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First, I am going to be changing some tags around so keep an eye out for that. Second, lets just all assume that this takes place right now as opposed to back whenever season 11 was. I'm not good at writing crap from a different time than present day ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
> 
> Leave comments to add even more pain or happiness depending on my mood!

\-----------(POV Change ((Gabe)))--------

 

The rest of the journey to the cabin had been uneventful. Well, mostly uneventful. Dean spent half of the trip listing off reasons as to why Gabriel can't touch Baby. Gabriel wasn't paying much attention he was more focused on trying to keep them all safe from Lucifer. As well as trying to come up with a way to keep Sam from completely breaking down.

 

Gabriel wasn't sure what to even do. At the moment Sam was currently sitting on a window sill and has been staring out a window for the past few hours. Cas and Dean had run to the nearest town to get food, and of course, the nearest town was 2 hours away. So they won't be back for a while. Gabriel at the moment was watching tv. Actually, it was more like he had it on in the background so then the silence wouldn’t kill them both. 

 

For the most part, he was keeping an eye on Sam and focusing on the warding put up in the forest around them. The warding was a genius idea and Rowena had told them how to have the warding only affect one certain angel. Unfortunately, they needed remnants of Lucifer’s grace which had been awkward and probably caused Sam to play the silence route. Whenever Sam gets embarrassed he gets flustered and quiet not that Gabriel can blame him. He usually does the exact same thing or tries to play it off. The latter doesn’t work as often as the silence one. Hey, he tries. 

 

Gabriel turns back to Sam. The plan suddenly remerging into his mind. He then snaps his fingers.

 

_ Well better now than 4 hours from now. _

  
  
  


\-----------(POV Change ((Sam)))--------

 

Sam registered the snap in the back of his mind but it has gotten to the point where he just ignores it. However, the sudden pressure on his legs makes him look down. He is greeted by a beautiful black dog sleeping on his lap. As if sensing that he was looking at it the dog opens its eyes and licks Sam’s hand. Sam whips his head over to where Gabriel is sitting. The archangel is watching tv as if nothing happened. Sam starts to scratch the dog's ears and hears the tingle of tags hitting each other. Finding the collar he reads them. 

 

_ Bella. _ Sam thought.  _ What a beautiful name for you girlie. _

 

Reading the other tags it says that Bella is up to date on her rabies shot and belongs to Sam Winchester. 

 

_ No way. No fucking way. No way would any of them let me have a dog. Especially with our lives. Hunting is no life for a dog. _

 

Sam must be dreaming. No way in hell would Sam have a dog. Let alone a dog who is all up to date on her shots and full out belongs to him. 

 

“So Sammich. Do you like her?” Gabriel is suddenly asking. “I know it’s on such short notice and we didn’t let you know we were getting her, but I feel like that could be forgiven.” 

 

“Of-of course I love her you idiot archangel. How- How did you find her?” Sam is now petting her, and of course, the dog looks like it won the fucking jackpot. “What will Dean and Cas say? I know they don’t like dogs that much. Hell, you don’t either! Why did you-” 

 

“Woah slow down there Samoose. We were thinking about getting you a dog for your birthday, but then we got all caught up in the darkness and it sort of slipped our minds. Then about a month ago while I was following up a lead in Seattle I found this little girl. She was about an inch away from dying, but despite that, she still got up and came to say hi to me. And you know me, I’m a sucker for homeless, cute things, with the most adorable puppy dog eyes ever.”

 

Sam blushed catching on to who Gabriel was talking about. 

 

“So I couldn’t just leave her. I healed her up and gave her to a family. Turns out that family’s father had a knack for drinking. Then two nights ago he killed his entire family and himself. So I went back and flew Bella as the mother had named her to one of my personal safehouses. Leaving her there with all of the luxuries a dog could want. Well, all but one.”

 

“A family. Somebody to play with her and spend time with her.” Sam finished.

 

“Don’t let anybody ever tell you that your just a pretty face.” 

Sam rolls his eyes. “What about Dean and Cas? I know damn well that Dean won’t appreciate a dog in the Impala.”

 

“He was in on it too. Don’t you worry your pretty little head. I have that covered.” 

 

“Have you met me? Worrying is kind of what I do” 

 

“Well stop it. Relax and spend time with your dog. Dad knows you need something to do other than mope about.” 

 

**_Wow, look at you. He gave you a gift and all you can say is when are we getting rid of it. Selfish bastard._ **

 

Sam ignores the voice and instead lets out a little chuckle. “Yeah, I suppose your right.” 

 

Gabe nods, “Your damn right I am.” 

 

Looking back towards Bella he starts to think.

 

_ Is she leash trained? Hell is she potty trained? Does she even know how to sit properly? _

 

“Oh and before you start worrying about training and stuff like that. When I was healing her I included that in the package.” 

 

“Wait so you trained her by sending messages into her mind?” 

 

“Yeah. Don’t thank me. I’m just naturally a badass.” 

 

“Ok Mr. Badass do you have a ball, so I can take her outside and let her run?”

 

Gabriel simply snapped and a ball was in Sam’s hand. 

 

“Have fun kids!” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact (Well its a sad fact but anyways): Bella is actually the name of my dog who died last August (2017) She was a boxer and pitbull mix. Most of the stuff you'll see her do is actually based off of my dog. In this fic, Bella is also only around a year a half to 2 years.


	9. Archangels Can Be Mean

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam has a sudden realization and Gabriel helps him figure it out!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is it! This is the end of the story! All that's left will be an epilogue that will hopefully be uploaded within the next week or so! See you guys soon!

\-----------(POV Change ((Cas)))--------

 

Ok so perhaps Cas was being a little bit overprotective of Sam. But to be fair he had good reason to be. He had promised himself that nobody would hurt Sam so nobody will. The human was one of his only friends and Cas may have hated him when they first met but now he was gonna make amends to that. Unfortunately, Gabe and Cas were once again on the search for Amara. It was something that was necessary no matter how much Castiel didn’t want to do it. So as a self-compromise he decided that he would check in more often and for longer. It was the least he could do for the human.

  
  


\-----------(POV Change ((Sam)))--------

 

All things considered, things were looking up. Sam was able to have his dog, Rowena and Crowley had a lead on Lucifer, and Cas and Gabriel were back on the search for Amara. They both stopped in more often than they had before, but Sam was okay with that. 

 

Something that had come as a surprise to Sam was how calm Dean seemed to be with Bella around, but then again Bella was a perfect dog. She never barked unless she needed something and she barely shed at all. The dog was currently curled up at Sam’s side. Resting from the run they had gone for earlier. Dean was out working on fixing whatever was wrong with the Impala.

 

There was one thing that was bothering Sam. He had this feeling in his stomach. A light cramping which was weird cause his period didn’t start for 2 more weeks. So he decided to google it. The results made his heart drop.

 

**_No. Fuck no. I can’t be pregnant. That’s not possible._ **

 

He googled other symptoms of pregnancy and was horrified to find that some of the same things that have been happening to him over the past few weeks were signs. Panic consumes him.

 

_ Gabriel  _  Before Sam even realized what he was doing he had started to pray.  _ Please come here it is very important.  _

 

There was the brief shuffling of wings and Gabe was in front of him. 

 

“What is it, Sammy? Is everything ok?” Gabriel’s voice was full of concern. Sam just handed Gabriel the laptop. After spending a few seconds reading all that came out was a little “oh.”

 

Sam nodded his head dropping.  **_Of all things that have happened to me, this has to take the fucking cake. I get raped and this is how the world treats me._ **

 

“Sam you might not actually be pregnant!” Gabriel exclaimed excitedly his hands gesturing wildly.

 

“How would you know?” Sam asks confused.

 

“A human having sex with an angel results in a Nephilim and one sired by Lucifer would have enough energy for all of the angels to feel it. Especially if he sired it with his true vessel.” Sam bows his head slightly shame making his cheeks turn a reddish color. “Cas and I would have known the instant it was conceived.”

 

Sam nodded slowly. “Is there a chance it would be a normal human?”

 

Gabriel’s excitement seemed to fade. “Yes but it is very slim, and I can test whether there is a second soul in your body or not.”

 

“What? You can do that?” Now Sam was even more confused.

 

“Well yeah. How do you think I knew that Mary was gonna pop out Jesus?”

 

“I suppose that makes sense. In a really weird way. Can you do that test on me?”

 

“Yeah, but it will be slightly uncomfortable as my grace will be kind of pooling in that area.” Gabriel says his hand gesturing vaguely towards Sam.

 

“You mean my uterus? Are you really too scared to say that?”

 

“No!” Gabriel coughed out embarrassed. “I just didn’t know whether you would be ok with it or not.” 

 

“Why wouldn’t I be ok with it?” Sam pauses for a split second “You know what never mind just get it on with.”

 

“Stretch your legs out towards the other end of the couch.” Gabriel instructed and Sam complied, his feet brushing lightly against the other armrest. “Are you ready?” Sam nodded at the question. 

 

Gabriel presses his hand to Sam’s lower abdomen and releases some of his grace. Sam can feel it moving through his body. It was weird and Gabriel was right it was very uncomfortable. It was different than when Lucifer used his grace to... hurt Sam. Where Lucifer’s grace was ice cold Gabriel’s was a pleasant temperature. It reminded Sam of when he would bask in the sun on a summer day. Then there was, of course, the grace just swimming around inside of him. He felt marginally better knowing that the intrusion of grace had Sam’s full consent to be there. Unlike so many other times in his life. Most times he had this much grace inside of him it was not good, from Lucifer, Gadreel, and once even Cas what was happening now was a Godsend

After several minutes Gabriel retracted his hand. The Archangel says nothing to Sam. He just turns away.

 

Fear once again shoves itself into Sam. “Gabriel what did you find?”

 

“Nothing.” Gabriel admits. His voice full of amusement. He turns back towards Sam. “Sam Winchester you are not pregnant.”

 

“You son of a bitch! You about gave me a fucking heart attack!” To say that Sam was pissed would be a bit of an understatement. 

 

“Needed to keep you in suspense Samshine.” Gabriel said with a wink.

 

“What the hell is going on in here?” Dean chooses the perfect time to come into the room. 

 

“Not much Dean-o. Just know you aren’t an uncle.”

 

“Wait what?”

 

This was going to be a long rest of the day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Haha scared you huh. At first, I wanted to make Sam pregnant to add some more drama but I had no idea where to go from there. So I decided to have Gabriel be a giant drama queen.


	10. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The epilogue of our story.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it is! The epilogue! God, I feel like a parent whose kid is moving out of the house. There might be more in this series exploring season 12 and 13 but I'm not sure yet. 
> 
> Leave a comment!

\-----------(POV Change ((Sam)))--------

  
  


Sam watches tensely as Dean vanishes. His heart clenches as he tries to hold in tears. Dean isn’t going to come back from this. From killing Amara. Chuck disappeared leaving just Cas, Gabriel, and Sam. Suddenly sunlight started filling the room. The three of them race outside to see the sun brighting back to the way it was before everything went down. Sam’s eyes felt heavy as they fill with tears. The sun returning was a sure sign that Dean was dead, and at least he was successful. 

 

Sam felt a soft hand rest on his arm and he turns to face Gabriel. The archangel silently pulls him along towards the Impala. Sam doesn’t even bother to pay attention to his surroundings as Gabe drives along back towards the Bunker. All he can focus on is his hands, if he hadn’t been arguing with Dean after Gadreel then Dean would have never taken the Mark of Cain. Then the darkness would have never been released.

 

**Yeah it’s about time you realize how truly selfish you are. How many people have died because you were too selfish to move on from Gadreel.**

 

He can here Gabe and Cas talking quietly. Sam forces himself to join in the conversation. 

 

“What next?” He asks his voice cracking. 

 

“Lucifer is still free so we need to get him back in the cage.” Cas responded. Sam’s body flinched without his permission. 

 

“About that. How did Lucifer even get freed? Nobody alive would want him to get out of that cage.” Gabriel interrupted trying to keep the conversation going.

 

“Maybe the release of the darkness weakened it. Then Lucifer did whatever he could to get out.” Cas added on thoughtfully. 

 

“Why isn’t Michael out then?” Sam questioned. “Or Adam?” 

 

“Maybe they are.” Gabriel pointed out. “We haven’t heard from the angels for a while, and realistically Adam’s soul would go to heaven the moment it got out of the cage.” 

 

“Or maybe they didn’t.” Cas added softly. All three of them become silent. Thinking of the brothers that still may be in the cage. 

 

The rest of the car ride was silent. Everybody stuck in their own minds. All Sam wanted to do was go back to the bunker, curl up in his bed with Bella, and sleep for months. Sam stares down. His eyes meeting nothing in particular. 

 

The Impala suddenly comes to a stop. Looking up Sam realizes that they have arrived at the bunker. The three sit in silence for another minute before getting out. 

 

“I’m sorry Sam.” Cas says as they are walking down the stairs. “If you ever need to talk you know Gabriel and I will listen.” 

 

“I know Cas. Thank you.” Sam responds.

 

Suddenly there is a blinding white light. The light of an angel banishing sigil. Once the light disappears a woman is revealed. As well as the body of Bella laying a couple of feet in front of Sam. The horror in his chest is quickly diminished when he sees her chest rising. 

 

“I wouldn’t worry about her.” The women says. Sam notices she has a British accent. The women holds up a gun. “If you don’t cooperate then I will use this.”

 

Sam slowly walks towards her. “Put the gun down.” 

 

Samantha Winchester I will do not want to shoot you.”

 

Sam stops suddenly confused. There are only 6 people that know Sam’s dead name. “How do you know that name?” 

 

“It doesn’t matter.”

 

Sam starts walking towards her again. “It does to me.” His voice has turned towards the dangerous side. Not trusting this women at all. 

 

“Don’t say I didn’t warn you.” She fires the gun.


End file.
